Chevy Van

i just love futurama. and family guy. and home movies. and harvy birdman AAL. and sealab 2021. ok ill stop now. sorry forgot ATHForce. i have also spent a few minutes with the ole winamp. man its like i picked all this music. umm....er.....ahumm... i guess i did, well most of it. some was for the kids. i swear.lol so... one of these songs i recently refound. chevy van, by sammy johns. good stuff.

This Day in History

this day in history. nothing much happened. tomarrow maybe i will go to little rock and get som more of my grandmothers stuff to birng to back here to her new apartment. i have my kidos so tonight will be ok. hop to have some time with friends soon. maybe thursday. need to have a get together. get all the ppl who read oneanothers blogs. anyway. im out for now.

Oh, What a Day.

late december back in '63. oh sorry .... i find myself trailing off into musical escapism. ok so today i worked my ass off. no ass left. yeah right i should be so lucky... haa haa. ppl were really sick today. "checking" out kind of sick. i dont feel as much now days as i use to about death and dying. i guess i have learned that there is a far better place we go, than where we are now, and most of the ppl i work on who do pass away arent living very "well" lives. there are ppl i work with that just have seasonal alergies, there is also the other end of the spectrum. some of my little folks are barly hanging on to life. some today fell. some i worked with today will fall soon. not all of them are old. what are you gonna do, everyone has to face death. i hope i get to see my kids grow up and go through life experiences, falling in love, haveing children;maybe feeling that love and happieness again myself someday, well before i die.
i sit and listen to music here at the computer quite a bit. tonight i have enjoied a hit list of favorites. REM everybody hurts. ambrosia, your the only woman(a super fav). james taylor & jd souther, her town too(another super fav) jd souther also wrote for the eagles. willie nelson, always on my mind. i relax and think aout my life and loves. my ex, she isint a bad woman, just not right for me. i am ok with this. ready to move on. looking for the quality the level of comitment that i have waited all my life for. i know she is out there. did i miss her. or ....have just not met her. guess ill find out.

Tickets to the Gun Show

Ok so i said that i had this job the other day right. well i should have knocked on wood. the gods heard me and today i had to work. BUT the day isint over so maybe it will get better. til it does i think i need to work on my forarm stregnth. man after bagging for about 45 mins i feel like i should look like popeye. compleate with huge forarms. LOOK AT THESE GUNS.......tooooot toooooot!!!! lmao

Early to Bed, Early to Rise

the time on my entry last night speeks volumes about why i am so sleepy this morning. i have always had a hard time going to sleep @ night. some of my earliest memories in childhood are of hating bedtime. i wasent (always) scared. i guess i get "the partys over syndrome". even now i hate to go to bed. i love sleep. LOVE IT!!! and i dont mind taking a nap during the day. i just cant stand to officaly "Go To Bed". enough about that, it promises to be a good day, and i wont look this gift horse in the mouth. lol

the start of something

i started my weekend today. man i dont look forward to it too much. well i hope it stays slow. i am a bit burned out. my job isint hard BUT the thing about this job is that you can always get weekend work. that makes you extra money. usually also easy work, then you find that you are over ran with train loads of easy work.brain burn out. i know ..i know cry me a river .. yeah, yeah, ok but if you think about it. i have to be ready to preform and get it right. i guess im tooting my own horn. sorry . the hard part of my job is the stress or pressure of being there and being the guy ppl depend on to do this one job. so i guess what im trying to say is, i cant wait till monday. im off for two. AND i get my oldest two back with me, so its the four of us. family. it makes a house a home.

Some People

by in large i like the ppl i work with. most of the ppl i work with are trustworthy, and up front about how they feel. (with me, that is.) it has come to my attention that some of the ppl arent quite so real. this is a stupid and unnesassry situation. if you have a problem, speak your mind, tactfully. i cant see where there is any other way to do good busness. just be sure that what you have a problem with isint petty to begin with. this is going to be a good day.

What is Art?

i have been in monroe today waiting on my buddy greg. greg got his third tattoo, and i think i have the fever. i am irish. being irish makes me want to get an irish tattoo. i have the fever. ok....ok i just saw a woman on the letterman show that plaied the hell out of a guitar. no she owned it ...no she made me love her. made me . i am totaly impressed. dont know what her name was kakie something but i will find out and share her music with u all. ok back to my story. grag got the ok KAKI KING is her name find her and enjoy. good stuff.
so i want a tattoo, must have an irish or musical tattoo. i am mostly music with a hint of irish. lol any way if anyone knows of any cool irish inspired pics or whatever(steph) lol. let me know.

This is what im talkin about.

today was great. i was able to help my grandpa and got to spend time talking to both my moms parents and my dads mom. in the same town. (my dads mom just moved here from n little rock)all three are elderly. i was ale to get all but one of my kids. raegan the youngest girl. she livs with her dad (for now). we are all here at MY house. i love this my exwife is working in little rock on some of her off days. she is still the least lazy person i know, foe better or worst. i dont feel like im beeing used as a baby sitter because i dont get enough time with any of them, especialy all together. almost. anyway aside form the void where the woman of my dreams would go...... i had a great day. who knows my mom tells me that their neighbor wants me to meat her daughter. i'll meat her but, i would really like to get to know ,the most compatible woman ive ever met, better.
till i can i guess i'll make do with whoever else comes along.

End of the trail

i will be asleep soon i think. still at the wheel for now but all is quiet @ my house. both boys asleep and i am listening to the sounds of scilence. u see it sounds diffrent now.... this scilence is not so deafening with the boys here. just as quiet but i can handle this. im sure this sounds crazy, but i cant help but feel this way. when theres noone else here it is so quiet i cant stand it. oh well ill be happy with this for now. enjoying it when i can. good night to anyone who is reading. thunbs up for tomarow!

Just Another Day

at the office where the papers fly i take a break...... today was, in a word, tuesday. day 7 for me everyother week i work 7 days in a row. its not hadr just long. i dont feel like i just finnished 7 stright. maybe i got enough sleep last night.
meanwhile back at statly wayne manor.... my grandfather is a heart patient. i dont know how much longer he has in this world. his heart just dosent pump strong enough to do the trick. this is old news but the real problems with this condition are starting to show themselvs. my mother was the first of 7. 3 girls 1 boy then 3 more girls. the second girl and the lone boy are both in healthcare, and both RRTs. they understand the process of this condition, the other siblings no not. i feel for the ones who dont, they get frustrated and spooked knowing that he could be "going down" this time. i hope to use the next family gathering to help explain this. who knows. i hope they listen.

Back To Reality

back to my cloud. things are back to good. i went to bed before 11 and i feel better. i had caden and keegan with me last night and we felt like a family. after the looooooong weekend i needed some hometime. more later.

Small Doses

this day didnt turn out as bad as i was afraid of. i had an ok time here @ work. not too busy. cant wait to get my boys tonight. it will be right with the world when i get home. relaxing and breathing. got some new pants in from an ebay purchase today. that is a small dose of happiness droped onto my day. thats why i do the ebay thing, small doses of happiness sprinkled on my life. things i want, things i need,and things i want and need for my kids. its like christmas when a package comes in. i know, i know, its silly but ......it is true.

Let's see

well, lets see what this day has to offer. hopefully better than the last two. i should say the last too many to count. anyway my attitude isint wonderful but i am hopeful that it will change with being here and knowing that i will get both back to my son and back to my house in about 12 hrs. then everything will be ok again.

Man I'm ready to get on with it.

i am ready to get on with the next phase of my life. as long as it has my son and i are as close as we are now, bring it on. tired of unnesessary arguement, of long nights, of feeling like nothing is stable enough. i would just really like a reliable way to stay happy.

What is really going on?

i guess i am doing what im supposed to with life. i love to take care of my son, and my other kids when i can get them. i have two jobs, both are good and in the same field. i dont do drugs. sometimes i drink too much, BUT, i only drink "too much" when its ok and i dont have the responsibility of being the care taker for my children. i dont get hangovers very often so my work dosent suffer. and i try to do whats right even when i REALLY REALLY want to do otherwise.
i mean there are lots of things that i do wrong. i dont mean to sound self-righteous, but i feel like i reasonable guy. why , i wonder, do i find that i cant get what i want out of life? am i just unsatisfiable? do i have it and just dont know? am i missing the boat here or what? im not angry, just ready for love. man this is depressing. HEY!!! now for something compleatly diffrent. or not. im sure that many others feel this way, like there has to be more to their lives. more love more passion, more joy, more tenderness, more appreciation, more of those long talks that you have with your best friend while on a long trip, more of that talk about nothing with your lover that has nothing to do with sex, even though youre both laying accross the bed, more of those times when your kids gently grab you by the chin and make you look them in the eyes so they can say that they love you soooo much.
maybe i just need to go home and sit in the rocking chair with my son and talk about rideing his "dirt bike" cause its not a motercycle, its a dirt bike. man, i need to work less.

....and now back to our show

So I think this blogging thing will be a good process, or at least i hope it will. as long as noone get too upset about major mechanical errors and spelling mistakes, we will all live through it. ( i think)
So im here at work in Mcgehee. This is a very small hospital, thats coming from someone who works full time in Crossett. I dont suppose I should balk too much. I am a respiratory therapist. This is a good job. There isint much "hard" work, or should i say labor intensive, however it can certinly be exhausting.Here in mcgehee the hospital has a laied back feel most of the time. it can be a mad house. this seemingly easy strech of time is the worst part of my day. this afternoon i had my kids for a late lunch. we went to mcdonalds and ate outside. the youngest three plaied in the castle while the oldest and I talked about her boyfriend. I say we talked, she talked and i listened. i have to say i enjoied every sticky sweet drama filled second of it. I dont get to see her enough. i watched the others play and jump and run for about 45 minuts. it ended all too soon, the trip here to mcgehee was calling my name.
Ok so i lok back over this post and see that i type things out alot faster if i dont capitalize and /or worry much about thring to make paragraphes. i think and talk in "streem of consciousness" so i guess thats what illl do here. please comment if it is just too hard to read. ok so this one looks long and boaring so ill stop for now.

Trying to bang this out.

what am i doing here and how do u do this? film at 11