Relax and Breathe

2009-05-17T03:36:00.001-07:00

life it still good this far down the line:):):)

same ole same ole thank god!

2008-07-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

in mcgehee , again but life is good. still married and still loving it. my son and his step brothers are integrated well. my wife Becky is just the greatest. life is good.

keepin on rockin in the free world!

2007-11-12T21:16:00.000-08:00

still married and loving it! my wife, becky, is just what i needed. thanks to steph and ging! way to go guys.

gotta love it

2007-06-08T19:03:00.001-07:00

its been so long sence ive been here. just in case u dont really know me i have sence married the most wonderful woman!! she is in the pics on my blog. becky vought was the missing piece to an already great life!

wat is the deal?`

2006-10-22T10:38:00.000-07:00

how can things feel off while they seem so on track? how does that work? or, am i just a wierdo? might be both.

some of the ppl i love

2006-10-15T07:28:00.000-07:00

Whatdaya think?

2006-07-23T12:46:00.000-07:00

06 Toyota Tacoma Prerunner Double Cab. Love It!!! i hope to have better pics soon. this pic is on a camera phone. i didnt think i would be able to get one this nice. glad i waited!!!

what to do, what to do......

2006-06-17T11:43:00.000-07:00

life always seems to give us choices. some times its between the lesser of two evils, but hey, what do ya want. i would like to think that i have better than that to choose from. latley my thoughts have been about vehicles. (not exactly life or death, i know but again, what do ya want) toyota seems to be the winner, but witch one. tacoma, or tundra. with gas as high as it is, neither is a slam dunk. i do think that either would be a good bet. room for gas mileage. double cab, xtra cab, single cab and a bed cover, there are lots of things to think about. i dont have as many ppl to carry around, but man it would be nice to have all that room. my sister drives a rav4. nice, but a bit cramped. i want a truck type ride. maybe something like the rav4 but bigger. seems to be like trying on a tux,.... get it measured or things will be damn uncomfortable. lol well im off to internet research hell . ................................................Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh :)

every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end

2006-06-11T16:09:00.000-07:00

my grandmother died today. she was a sweet little lady, a lady who just mad me smile. in all of my 36 years i have no negative memories of her, not one. she died in her chair in front of her tv, no doubt watching and being happy. there was a pitcure of my father,as a little boy, sitting on the tv that hadent been there the day before. this makes a bittersweet smile come to my face. thinking of her in her last moments. looking at my dads young face, thinking of her life ,and peacefully sliping into sleep. i cant say how proud i am of this idea. it's just how i imagined she would go and finally meet her maker. I LOVE YOU Mimi !!! see ya later:)

relax and breathe

2006-05-12T20:48:00.000-07:00

i have to say that i have reason to relax and breathe. it will be a good thing. even though some people dont believe it, things are and will be good.
this picture is a little fuzzy but this is the most precious person i know, AND my best pal!

its all good, right?

2006-04-15T16:32:00.000-07:00

if i were to say that my life is a bed of roses , i would not be telling the truth. it more like a vegetable garden. not the most beautiful thing to look at , but very satisfying to own. there are things that i could add here or there to make it nicer to look at but i have to say, im good , my son is great and everything is going to be , ....well.....ok. i just cant complain. :)

two months...yikes

2006-03-15T10:19:00.000-08:00

wow didnt realize it had been so long . i should post more often. as for my last post ...... still wondering...........................

Hope Springs Eternal

2006-01-12T21:49:00.000-08:00

i have met a great girl and i dont want to jinx it so thats all i will say. ok well. if this is ,after all my online journal, she is different than all the others. and i say that knowing full well how silly it sounds, but i say it none the less. so once again a toast, hears to great beginings!!!

well, well,well

2006-01-04T22:22:00.000-08:00

i have had quite a 2005 . glad to see it go!!! i have to say that 2006 is looking good so far. heres to it being good and staying good!!!!!!!!!!

life or something like it

2005-12-16T14:32:00.000-08:00

i have recently found that someone i thought was my friend is not. and that a past relationship was bad for us both. being a past relationship is a red flag that it wasent a bowl of cherries, but i surely didnt think that i was a bad guy. who does, i guess. this thing is that my "good friend" is now dating my last girlfriend right after he broke up with his fiance . this i thought was a real dick move on his part. the ex thing isint the problem, its the total lack of respect that followed. she now says that i was bad to her and i have recently found that she felt this way often during the whole fiasco. i really am floored by this. not a perfect relationship to be sure, but treated her bad? she didnt "get" things. this led to many a cross word when it came to the natural progression of our relationship. i offered her a way out all the time. i was clear that it was time to get on with it or get on without it. it was best to leave it alone and go our separate ways and we did. i wouldnt have had any more to say about it...... till i find that im getting it with both barrels from the two of them. YIKES!!! that is my problem. im just shocked that they would try to cast dispersions toward me when they re the ones who should be ashamed for the wrong they have done. well, hey.... maybe this is the best thing that could have happened. i loose a deadbeat friend and gain the clarity to go on into the rest of my life with the feeling that this will get me out of the bullshit and into a better place. a place where i know not to settle for half hearted friends and relationships. eeh, funny how one thing leads to another.

8 Day Ache

2005-11-15T15:41:00.000-08:00

i am on day 8 of an 8 day strech, and man am i ready to be off work!!!! i will be going to me bros house somewhere in west little rock for a visit. that will be cool. he and his wife and new litle girl have mooved to the big city. i will have to start calling them "the tribe of the north" yuk yuk! well, it treatment time and those lucky folks are playing my song. woke up.......got outta bed...............

midnight chat

2005-11-12T23:59:00.000-08:00

its about 2am here in mcgehee, ar. i am still awake and i wish i was deep asleep. maybe i should just try harder. is that the answer? can u try "harder" to go to sleep? should i talk meds? benadryl makes my nose bleed after 2 doses. really drys me out. the problem is that i get "the partys over syndrom" . like i hate the end of the night. should be something else going on. im too tired to go out and chat with the night crew but i stay awake here in my room. hospital rooms are so depressing. ehh maybe im just sleepy.

lost in texas

2005-11-08T08:05:00.000-08:00

today is my first day back at work after my trip to texas. not so happy to be at work, but very glad to be back home. i do enjoy being with my friends from long ago. they are of course still great friends, the kind that last a lifetime. my thanks to my buddy chris and his wife leah(sp). they made me feel right at home, and she whipped up a chicken pot pie in two seconds that made me want to shout. good stuff. so every time i go away i get this feeling of appreciation for home that i didnt quite have before. maybe this is just me being a bit road weary but i really felt happy and relaxed in my chair. watching tv with my son sitting on the arm of the recliner or in my lap. talking to him, listening to him talk to me. what a wonderful little man he is, and how great it is for us to be home. happy with friends, happiest at home with my son. good all over.

This is why I don't usually blog in the morning

2005-10-30T05:33:00.000-08:00

man , i just love to fall back in the fall. i cant say its worth it to deal with the whole daylight savings time thing but, i like to fall back. ok , so, i have a question , do any of you who read this blog ( and by that i mean both of you, thanks mom and dad. lol ) find that you do certain things with certain hands , regardless of right or left handedness? ok . after that question i find that my feeble mind is helplessly wrapped around this question and useless for anything else. lol.

little adieu about nothing

2005-10-28T17:04:00.000-07:00

i will now blog about nothing. i feel like i should get busy on here i dont blog so much these days. the good news is that i seem to have alot to do ,and this is good. kelly and i took our kids to the pumpkin patch in grady,ar last weekend. i took off on a day on the weekend. we all had a great time. lots of stuff for the kids to do, but the thing they wanted to do most is play on these giant hay stacks. u just never know about kids. lol i have just had a great time with kelly lately. we have a huge amount in common. its kinda scary really. i also managed to take off in november to go to texas to visit a friend. acualy i will be meeting other friends there too . we will all be getting together for a big party. my buddy chris' sister is moving into a new house and his youngest sister is turning 21. so another buddy trey and his bandmate hal are gonna go there to hang out and perform at the party. IT WILL ROCK! ok so i am off to do breathing treatments.

back to the salt mines

2005-10-16T14:34:00.000-07:00

well i am once again in mcgehee. this is my home away from home, as much as id rather it not be. not too busy though. it seems this is the only time i have to blog. the only time im not doing something else. here i have a few treatments but not a lot. i usually sleep most of the day and night. that is when im not on my laptop looking up things on ebay or chatting with kelly or a few friends. kel and i are back together. we have been inseparable for the last several weeks and one day we were like why arent we back as an official couple? and then it was. its a good thing. i have recently had monitor shut down on my desktop. my big old 19" crt finally bought the farm. u will be missed old buddy. so i have been in obsessed with finding a worthy replacement. i have setteled on a 19" fugi plus lcd. i did some resurch on the company the makes them and this one also had great reveiws. i havent ever had an lcd before ( aside from my laptop ), and i am a little frightened by the thought if dead pixils. i hope the reviews were acurate. my laptop i got from a friend who had two. its good to be rich! or so im told! the screen on this thing is great . no problems of any kind. sence i have been resurching the lcd thing i have found lots of test programs for lcd screens and i will be putting this new monitor through the paces i hope by wednesday. www.newegg.com is my new bestest friend!!! i got my video card there, good card but i didnt have all the goodies that came with it, being that it was retail. i didnt even complain. i just gave a fair review. this guy name jason emailed me to ask if i could let him know more about why i wasent more pleased with my purchase. i emailed him back with the details. this guy called me and credited my for half my purchase price and sent the missing parts out to me. i got them plus some neat extra software in 3 days. this is kick ass!!! so when it came to buying a monitor i went there first. their prices are as good or better than everyone else. it seemed like a no brainer. ill post again to tell if things go well. :)

man, i havent blogged science when?

2005-10-08T16:55:00.000-07:00

i just thought about my poor neglected blog. i have been busy with one thing or another for what seems like forever. i guess thats good. really lovin my place. i have some memorys there now and that has made lots of diffrence. i hope to find some time off on a weekend to have some of u over. im afraid this post, even though long over due, will be short. so, hey to all my blog friends!!!!! hope to see ya again soon!!!

Dad and Baby

2005-09-11T20:39:00.000-07:00

itint this the sweetest little girl? my bro and his little lady do this alot.

9/4 MY HERO IS 4 YEARS OLD!!!!!

2005-09-11T19:57:00.000-07:00

it said to put this where?
we all had a good time!!!
red iceing, you gotta love it!
we had to have a cake to put the candles in hee hee

check him out!! GO WEB GO!!!

What a Diffrence 3 Days Make

2005-09-05T20:19:00.000-07:00

i was off from mcgehee this last weekend. it was great! i really need to think about giving that job up anyway. it not hard, in fact its easy. not too stressful, not too busy, not too anything but far from home. i like most of the ppl i work with. there are three that i would like to never see or hear from again but hey, thats a ratio i can work with. back to the weekend i didnt do anything to speak of! i helped a friend move and that was it!!! wooohooooo. no crazy partying, no home projects no nothing. it was good the only bad thing about it was that it ended. i need to play the lotto!!! i am really wanting to quit mcgehee . and im sure i will maybe i can get it worked out in the buget before too long. im hopein by jan 2007. who knows. being at home and relaxing has been good to me. this is what i need more of. now if i could find the last piece to the puzzle. hummm...

Madison Nichole Vought

2005-08-31T08:57:00.000-07:00

this is the name of my new niece!!! she is such a pretty little thing. she is the child of my brother Jon and SIL Shonte. she had a little trouble when she first arrived but the is kickin ass now and we are all ready for her to come home . i cant wait to hold her myself!!! i want to see my son interact with her and see his happines with haveing her around.she was born monday 5lbs 8oz. 18.5" YEAH!!!!! :)

Right.......mmmhummmm....right, right.

2005-08-23T10:12:00.000-07:00

MASS CONFUSION AND HYSTERIA, and then afterwards everyone sat around and listened as the higherarchy shook their heads (yes, yes, ummhumm yep , yes) and felt better about it all. those of you who know what im talking about are thinking, umhumm yep ....yes. lol

A Cool New Show

2005-08-21T21:32:00.000-07:00

Anthoney Bourdain No Reservations i have watched this show(the same episode) twice. i think it will be a cool new show.

Yes My Son is Spidey

2005-08-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

this is the way i see him every night. he loves this old spiderman outfit. thank goodness its almost time again this one is about gone .

Thats My Boy!!!

2005-08-20T14:22:00.000-07:00

here in mcghee again. seems like my trips over here are closer and closer. they stay 2 weeks apart, but i do feel like im living in fast forward. i recently got a new chair in my apartment. my son and i sat in it together, and he also sat in the old chair. we were there, just the two of us. there is something very fulfilling about that. i remember when i was married last that my happiest times were at home. it was the HOME part. Whether my ex was there or not, home was watching tv or working on the pc or sleeping. i really enjoyed the kids coming in and out of the room and talking with them and so on. my son and i are trying to get this back. Whether it is with the othe kids in the house or just the two of us. caden brought it up the other night. he said " we are a happy family are we daddy" and i just couldnt believe it. i was thinking that very thing at that very time. thats my boy!!! this came at a great time i am having a hard time with the whole love thing. i really needed that kind of reassuring honesty and plain straight talk. leave it to a child to cut through the red tape and all of the complication of adult life and speak to me. thank god for my son. he is a brilliant light with many vibrant colors shining throughout my life, illuminating and coloring my world. what a great kid.

still alive here in crossett

2005-08-16T21:37:00.000-07:00

it has been one of those strange times here in my world i am in the long slow prosses of breaking up with some one that i love , who loves me. how silly is this i want more and so does she BUT she just isint ready. thats the best explanation that i can seem to get. i wish i could get more. i wish this wasent happenning. i ame the one who seems to be killing it. i cant keep myself from going on about it. just cant seem to stop. every time i talk to her its all i can talk about. she wants me to stop pushing. and i just want to get it talked about so i will see what her needs are. i get frustrated about her inability to speek her feelings. she isint a bad person but still whats happenning to me is the same as if she was. how do u fix this? how do i stop? i will be the first to scream out loud that i have ocd and bad. i cant let it go...... i dont want to push.....but i am in a full eppisode with this issue. and the more i try to get it done with the more she retracts. AAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. what a cycle. its so very exausting. i just want to matter, i just want someone to give back what im giving. man wheeeeewww. didnt think this was gonna blow out when i started this post sorry folks.

Who eats that much oatmeal?

2005-08-07T08:23:00.000-07:00

this town needs and enema ........ i am in mcgehee and although i dont want any work(after all i get paid the same to sit on my ass and surf the net as i do to work like a guy who works a lot), i would like the ppl who come in here to need the services that i provide. most of the ppl that i meat here are nice enough. some folks smile and some say hi, especially at walmart.
lately the walmart "associates" are busting their stitches to say "hi" and "oh, excuse me" . and as always "can i help you" whats with that??? yes u can help me , id like a double handful of what your taking. its cool that they'r happy. i like that.
anyway, so i dont have a lot to do here but the "job stuff" .what i do have is lots of time to piss off and spend money. s i have a real problem with OCD and thats not good when i have so much free time. one of the most annoying manifestations of this is that i floss my teeth way too much. ok.....so im in walmart getting some junk food , more shampoo and soap, when i passed the "bad place". i passed......the tooth brush isle. but i had a tooth brush, a new one. what else could i get on this lane? i looked no further than the first display, and there i saw them. hanging there all innocent, shaa right! i had the overwhelming need for a tooth scraper, mirror, pick like poker thing combo . this is $5 worth of pure unnecessary pain and obsession. man i have tried every way i can think to make sense of these mean and cold tools. the mirror is cool but it just makes me want to use the death bringing tools of despair. these things are brutal. they dont bend to go around your teeth like floss. they WILL take off anything u push against. i cant imagine using these things to earn my living. as i sit here and type i look over at these things, they just lay there on the little tray above the sink. you wouldnt think that they are evil just laying there so still but ill bet they stand over my bed when i sleep, waiting for their chance. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
as for the tital of this post. the dear sweet women who work in the kitchen over here, some times they will fix me a breakfast tray. this will consist of 3 to 5 pieces of bacon, a large spoonful of eggs, some kind of bread. and a whopping 4 pound mountian of oatmeal. so, my question is this.......who eats that much oatmeal? what kind of superhero would it take? i feel pain just lugging it over to the trash can. sheeeheeezzzz. :)

i am marc's twisted friday night

2005-07-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

this ,im afraid, is the nicest vehicle i have ever had. a soar wrist and a small airbag burn and i walked away. i got really close to an 18 wheeler. if it would have been a fist fight, he would have won. as is was .....he won. yeah for me!!!

living 12hrs @ a time

2005-07-15T14:39:00.000-07:00

my life seems to be lived 12 hrs at a time. untill recently i didnt remember much about my off days. i met a girl and she brought sunshine for a while. after that was ended (all too wastfully) i have been moving. lots of things to do. lots of things to arange. i have also been helping my parents with some painting, they have decided to parcialy remodel thier living room. we will be putting down pergo flooring next week. this , me thinks, will be a tricksy. all in all these last few off days have left me phsically tired. i am normally mentaly exausted, what a big change! anyway i cant seem to shake the feeling that im missing something really good in my life. my son and i have gotten closer, and continue to do so the more he can comunicate with me. this brings me joy beyond the bounds of human expression. i still get to have my ex wifes kids over, they still want to come! this dosent sound like a man who is missing alot, and i dont think the word alot is a good one to use for my situation. there is something that is really key to bring this trek full circle. im sure its the problem ive had for ever. ehh, i have a feeling that it will all be ok. i wont stop living , well , not over this. :)

where does it all come from

2005-07-11T07:54:00.000-07:00

man i didnt know there could be so much .......stuff! where does it all come from? did i move it in here? ...... i must have. why is there just as much when i come back to get another load. does it grow over night? if it does then i will hate to see what it will be like after a weekend in mcgehee !
if u guys hear someones scream echoing out through the wilderness,......that wil be me when i get back to the old house today. think of me wont you.....lol

life by the drop

2005-07-09T10:08:00.000-07:00

i am close to being in my new apartment. this place is cool! i am trying to get things put in without buying too much new stuff. i need some end tables and a lamp or two. something to put my components on. i will have a few more things to get still. i keep on finding that i am missing one little thing here or that thing that i ment to get last month. eh, its moving .

Ready To Go

2005-07-03T08:16:00.000-07:00

So I'm still just as good and stoked about the apartment, and even though I will be totally broke for the first month, I just cant wait to get in there. I'm sure I sound like a goof but I think I will really enjoy time at home with my little boy watching a movie or just talking. I missed him last night. Not much of a party animal anymore huh. I don't even miss it. I'm in kind of a different mood this morning. Not bad or anything. Ready to get to the job of moving, I guess. My room mate is moving right after me to his new place. So we will get double duty I'm sure . This is also when that truck I just had to have will earn its keep. I will have to take the bed cover off but it will be worth it not to have to run someone down for their truck. Just now I looked over my post and MAN I have put a lot more thought into this than I accualy typed. I know I'm an idiot!!!
by the way is it me or is the time waaaaaaaay off on blogger?

AAAAHHHHHHHHHH Yea!!!!!

2005-07-02T16:11:00.000-07:00

I , after 35 years, am about to move into my first apartment, alone. LOL I feel like a kid. Like im gone get a new tree house. How funny is that. My son and I are going to live there and it is gone kick ass, bigtime!!!!! We have been living in a house on main street that can be described as adequate at best. The roof didn't leak and the rent was cheap . We really needed a place so it was cool . A good friend had moved in there and offered us his spare room. Hell of friend huh !!! It has been a good long while now and we have both grown to need our own places. Different than the little main street house. And the best part of it is, we are still good friends. My son caden and I are going to be happy here . im sure that it will take a bit of getting use to (second floor) but we will, and we'll love it!!!

ill make this quick

2005-06-26T17:13:00.000-07:00

i am not getting married . i am not in a relationship. and i am not wanting to stey at home and mope. i want to get lit on my nights without my son and relax. to hell with "it" . begening to think this is my lot in life. *grunble grumble *

what would you say if i sang out of tune

2005-06-17T07:48:00.000-07:00

i have been thinking about my friends latley. i dont get to see them as much as i would like, or much at all. i want them to know i would like to. getting this new relationship off the ground was taking most of my off time. keeping it going is just as time consuming, although i must say it is a laobr of love. kel lives in collinston, so when i go, i go that way. just dont forget that when i think about my friends and what is good in life, i think about all of you too.

Wheeeeewww

2005-06-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

kel and her gang made it back without a scrach from thier trip to florida. with the tropical storm trying to ruin the vacation they pulled it off by sliding up the coast just ahead of any really bad weather. of course this means that "we" will just have to go again so we can get som white sand beach time in. i mean u gotta have that in the summer , right?

Vacation Tag

2005-06-10T23:05:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Florida. My fam ( son,mother,father, sister, and niece) went to visit my brother and sister in law. They are expecting a little girl in mid September. I had a great visit, we all did. My s-I-l is ramping up for the blessed event. She might just be the most well read mom to be I've ever met, or should I say one of the most. They live in a super expensive(everything and I mean everything is) two bedroom two bath apartment. This thing is very nice and roomy for a two bedroomer. Dining room, large closets on either side and the walk way to the master bath that opens to a nice size bath with a garden tub. (my dad calls it a duck pond) screened in balcony with very large storage closet. And the coolest feature to me is a semi secret passageway down to the garage. I know , I know, I'm such a kid. LOL!!! Nice area www.gatewayvillas.com . I was happy to get there. Our trip wasn't bad. My father and I(he drove the whole way, there and back) sat up front. My mom and sis had to deal with the two little dictators in the back. muuhahahaha !!! Well they really did do well I thought, for such a long drive. The trip back wasn't so bad either. We were all very tired and ready to get back to our respective places. noone more than I !!! My fiancee (I feel funny using that word, is seems ..... Fancy! LOL) was back home working. Although I loved my visit, I was missing her badly.
the reason for my title on this post is that she was scheduled for a vacation with her kids. She left Thursday after I returned that Tuesday. Arrrrgh! I didn't want her to leave me any more than I wanted to leave myself, but we all need some R&R, and she loves the beach. She is gone now, in Biloxi . Well I have to say that I will be glad to get back home to my new wife to be and to the whole gang. I'm ready for this, and I'm happy !!!!

THE GOOD NEWS!!!

2005-06-03T20:18:00.000-07:00

I am so proud to announce that I am engaged to be married to a wonderful woman!!!!!!!!! Kelly Goleman!!!!!!!!! Smart funny compassionate beautiful sweet these are just a few of the many reasons to be in love with this most precious woman. i just cant say enough to get my point across . this is my best friend and i just love her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so far away

2005-05-28T08:38:00.000-07:00

i dont have much patients for mcgehee this time. i need to concider trying to lay off one weekend a month over here. my new friends new job will be mon-fri, off on weekends. i am never off on weekends. this will not do. oh well it will work out , i will think of a way. mcgehee seems really far away this time. far from crossett, really far from collingston, la. man.

its getting better all the time

2005-05-26T01:05:00.000-07:00

better better better......:)

The Ups And Downs of it All

2005-05-14T02:17:00.000-07:00

i havent always been this train stoppingly good looking. lol i was 372lbs not so long ago. i had to do something. after much (and this is the really short version) thinking and worring i had the gastric bypass surgery. it was, is a smashing success. i love it and if it would help i would do it again, today. the up side is obvious, the not so great side is that i did and still do greve over my loss of food. i just thoughly enjoy food and eating. i feel this way so much that i messed up my life and body doing it. well to fix things i had to give it up. the only way for me to do that was this surgery. man did it work. i gave up food . i had no choice. if i ate too much i was gonna have to deal with it again, and soon. this problem got better and better. i learned to chew my food . that sounds like a no brainer, but i just didnt do that well. i am now a chewing jedi! i have very few problems now. its been 20 months and i have lost just under 100lbs with no diet or exercise. this is great, but its not enough. i want more. the weight im at now looked and felt diffrent when i was here before. so its off to the races for me. i cant be too set in my ways, what with divorce biteing me in the ass and bachlorhood kicking me in squarely in the croch. i need to look and feel better, for myself and to others. i have great friends and some great new developements. so i have little time to waste. my sone and i are going to move soon and i think that even if it is just across town this will be the start of something that i will like and even love. so watch out friends of mine, if you see my # on your caller ID im moving . better run.

Hope Springs Eternal

2005-05-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

If I have learned one thing (and that could be all I get ) its that when one door closes another one opens. I've had a lot of closed doors it seems, and even though its been exhausting there have been others opening, some times I just couldn't see them for the glaze in my eyes. So here's to my days of being out of the loop on this newly adopted philosophy, I'm glad to see yah go!

So, how's that for sunshine?

The Short Story

2005-05-08T16:28:00.000-07:00

I am a Respiratory Therapist. I work at a local hospital. I have been in this field for 13 years, and it has been a most wonderful career for me. Working as a Respiratory Therapist has its ups and downs, you help to usher in new life as well as give comfort to those who are on their way out and all points in between. This is why the name of my blog is Relax and Breathe. Its not just how I try to unwind, its also what I do for a living.

what a diffrence a day makes

2005-05-07T18:02:00.000-07:00

so as ths day goes along i am growing more and more agitated.there is no reason for this that i havent thought on before. no new turn of events nothing that i just incountered. i think i just need some fun. i am supposed to be at a party for a friend who is getting married. the wedding date isint going to be for a while so im not sure why we are getting together tonight but im all for it. i hope to be able to let loose and get happy before i get there. i am in charge of rapid fire comments and observations at partys ,as it partains to comedy it seems ( or so i think, i dont always do so well) so i hope this mood will melt enough to allow me to shake it off.

Alls Fair.......Right?

2005-05-07T08:05:00.000-07:00

Well I cant say that the last few haven't been a ride. That much can tell you. What an emotional roller coaster this last week has been. I can say that if anything my faith in relationships has been in a strange way renewed. I was almost in one. LOL what a funny thing to say eh? Well even funnier to mean. Wonderful girl, just not ready. Slightly jumped the gun. Of course slightly means I have hit a total impasse. This is what I get for not going with my gut. Trying to let someone tell me that its ok, when I know what I see and hear. The really off part of this is that I am ok with pretty much what ever, so..............Up the cups and lets get this thing goin'.

hullova weekend

2005-05-02T12:30:00.000-07:00

im so sick of this long weekend stuff. hows that for an opening line? lol i am thoughno time off , im never gonna meet anyone like this. the world is just spinning with or without me. i need to strap on my seatbelt. i didnt get to watch the movies i rented this weekend, same thing last weekend. talked on the phone with friends insted i guess. that is a great thing to do, talk with friends. not so easy to do when they are cool as hell, female , and smokin hot chics. lol i do get to say that though dont i . (ive been chatting on the phone with hot chics all day!!!) rotflmfao. oh well, i would rather talk to someone for 10min once if they truly loved me. ok, ok , so enough with the sappy shit, lets go to the er and do an ekg............hell yeah!!!!!

Busy in the delta

2005-04-30T01:06:00.000-07:00

Man it got busy over here in mcgehee all the sudden like. One minute I was asleep the next I was in a code. I don't really like that kind of jolt. Who would though. But as usual I just go into code mode and do my stuff. Now that the fireworks are over I tried to eat. Eating is more trouble than its worth. I always go at least a little too far and that's super easy to do. Then im too full and miserable, just like before the surgery only with about a cup of food instead of a gallon. Yuck. Well im off to work some more.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUCK

2005-04-23T08:55:00.000-07:00

and i dont mean charley brown. so, happy birthday to you again and i am happy to be able to share part of the day with you and our other friends. it will be fun. !!!!!

nota lota things to say

2005-04-22T11:14:00.000-07:00

one might ask why post if you dont really have anything to say. well, i guess thats a good question with a reasonable answer, it is theraputic. it is to me anyway. i could understand if someone else found it hard to sit through, lol. i have a normal life, to me its normal, where things dont always work out like i want them to. it dosent seem that things balance in that area very well. i guess that is the way everyone feels. i dont have it bad or anything but this isint the way i would write the script of my life if i had the reins of some big cosmic typewriter. i have one son, he and i are two peas in a pod. i couldnt have it anyother way. i have three other kids that are my ex's. the oldest two live here in the same town. they come over often. i like for them to come (when its is of their own accord), we, i for sure, feel better around oneanother. its more like home. i know this wont last forever so i soak it up as best i can. i am missing a major ingredient though. i dont have a companion. i would love to meet the woman of my dreams and ride off into the sunset, however, i would be happy with someone i liked and trusted, who wanted to be with me too. i would like this asap,BUT, i dont want it "at any cost". this is something i have beaten down but not quite knocked out. ......im getten there,lol. till then i have great friends(when i get to see them) and everything will be alright, ..............................................................right?
well, hows that for not having much to say!!! :)

Have You Ever...or...Vacation Dreamin'

2005-04-17T18:05:00.000-07:00

Felt kinda disjointed , I feel like I don't have enough firm footing. Its not the same as I felt last time. That was more lack of control. I do feel like I need to steer my life myself but that's not me being a control freak I don't guess, LOL. I just think it would be cool to be on my way somewhere. I suppose I am on my way to get back to my kids and back to my house, .....Back to my comfort zone. I would like to expand that zone. ehh it just aint happenin now. I guess I might as well relax. Might as well. So , im looking forward to some upcoming time away from work. That will be good. Might even have a bit of company, that would rock. Trip's are always cooler when you have a rider! Who knows? Going to slide up to Fayetteville,AR for the Holland brothers annual crayfish Boil. They have lotsa great food and their band plays and everybody has a good year, everybody lets their hair down . . . I have been unable to get there ,even when I was in Fayetteville, for several years. Maybe this time it will be better. A brother can dream cant he?

Lets Get Funky and Start the Revolution

2005-04-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was starting a funk CD. This is a quite a job for me I put a lot of time in on this kind of thing. What songs, what order, you know flow and mood etc. Well I got an two great ideas from stoky and it is starting to really take shape. I have a first draft in my truck now, not the finished product though. However my ride has been chuggin' round Cossett like the soul train so I cant imagine how I will feel when it is a done deal. mooooohooooooohahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa. So anyway, I will keep an update going of my resurgence of CD making!!!

The start of something long

2005-04-13T10:37:00.000-07:00

This is the first day in a long strech. I will log 7 days straight before IM finished. It really isn't as bad as it sounds, but I still hate it. I have had time lately to play with my son a lot. He surprises me every time he is such a powerhouse of sparking energy. I love this boy with all my heart, and these times, just the two of us, playing jumping around on the bed, being son and daddy together. I honestly cant seem to find words to adequately express the joy, love, appreciation, and deep rooted need for this little boy. He is just absolutely my everything. And I miss him right now.

man blogger is slow

2005-04-12T11:00:00.000-07:00

i finally decided on what it i hope a better pic (when compressed down). so i guess it will update? if anyone has a pic of my site like bursttransmission, will it update that one too?.

Earthquake

2005-04-09T18:15:00.000-07:00

i have to say that the new sub/amp combo is much better than i had hoped. i got the new beck from stacey and it is cool . beck is always better with basssssss. life i have found, is in high gear. i cant get my arms on the wheel sometimes, it seems. no time to do anything. my work scheduele is relentless. the only thing worse than that would be too much time off with noone to spend it with. hummm, i guess i will stick to making money with my time. what a cycle!

Day 2

2005-04-06T16:45:00.000-07:00

this is the a good day i went with a friend to eldorado to get ready for school there. i dont miss the school thing. i kept thinking think god i was done with that. i am soooooo glad! there is one more step that i can take in rt that would be benifical to me here in crossett, that will be waiting.
well i also have one thing to say about the new OS thing. ubuntu still trying to get it to make me happy. it works just like it should, just not like windows. this is ok im still thinking on it:)

Guess I Shoulda Known

2005-04-06T02:39:00.000-07:00

missed out on a whole days worth of pay on this last check, guess i shoulda known
didnt get my new hard drive in yet, guess i shoulda known
im really very tired after these last seven days, guess i shoulda expected
at least i am still friends with my coolest new friend, guess i shoulda, did know.
could be worse!

Hello Blog Its Been A While......

2005-04-02T10:03:00.000-08:00

Man has it really been this long sense I blogged? YIKES!!! I tried to say the other day that I wanted to keep up at least 6 posts a week. Man, im slackin.
so , in honor of my sites new look I got on several websites and listened to an hours worth of pulp fiction wavs and downloads. I had a blast. I will be buying a DVD copy of the movie soon. I still have my video store "previously viewed" vhs tape. I have lotsa stuff to say, some of it too private to share on such a public forum ( doesn't that suck ). Well, I guess ill talk about me music. I am , to say the least, a music lover. Some might say music fanatic, and still other might say, who cares about him or his music that guys an asshole. ( I don't like those ppl) movin on......
so I have been thinking about the music that comes out of my truck speakers. This is not on par with what I've become accustom to. well, last week i purchased four polk audio 5x7s (factory replacements) for both the front and rear doors of my ford f150 supercrew. i put the front speakers in and the first thing i noticed was that i lost all the bass that the factory speakers carried. now in defence of the polks, they arent supposed to produce this sound but DAMN. i didnt put in the rears just yet. i ordered these from crutchfield.com . i never order from there but these were on sale, and they send u all the "stuff" to get them hooked up. i guess the reason i didnt hook up the rears is because they only sent one set of free factory wiring haenesses. i called to tell them and they sent another set out to me free. i liked that! now then, i have no bass and that hurts my feelings right? so i start lookin on ebay to try to find the perfect thing and do i ever. i found a MTX Thunderform. with a 10" sub, shaped perfectly to fit my truck!!!!! Yaaaaa! and a rockford fosgate amp to match it perfectly. got it all for $348.50, S&H includded!!!
cant wait to put those bad boys in. my brother(to give credit where credit is due) combed over ebay too and found the amp. he also pointed out that if i wanted to get a better speaker, last years top of the line entry level sub is cheep on ebay. even more crank power. mooohooohahahaaaaa! trying to be good!!!! everything should be here middle of next week, i hope, and its all going in asap. gotta have my sound.
i cant seem to keep my eyes open, this is the best part of my job here in mcgehee. im not @ work, im on call and its perfectly ok for me to go away from the hospital or to go to my room and crash out. so right now im going down like a value jet. ill post more later...........

What a looooooooooooooooong weekend

2005-03-27T18:22:00.000-08:00

This has been a long weekend. I am burned out. I am gonna spend these next two days (I hope) sitting on my ass, not doing a damn thing. Well, washing a few dishes, and some clothes. Might do a little cooking. Might drop out on the couch and get the sleep I've been missing out on. Not doing so well with the sleep thing lately.
a wonderful visit from my newest most awesome friend made this day much brighter. And hour seemed like 5 mins. I even got an Easter basket!!!!!

*looks both ways to see if anyone is looking and then does a YESSSSSSS!!! *

I need to have some time with friends around, grown ppl. peers, equals. ppl who get my gab. lottsa ppl who don't follow me in this world. I will shoulder some of this responsibility, I don't always talk in straight lines, or even in pieceable fragments. LOL and I have the hardest time with keeping my train of thought over a couple of side notes. Well I have to gauge how badly im getting off track by how happily my friends faces are outwardly working on fitting my ramble into a single stream. geeheez, ill just bet im damn hard to listen to.
tee hee hee. Sorry friends.
so off that on to something else, I am still diggin on my new Pulp Fiction site!!!! every time I get on I want to say "mmmhummmm that is one tasty burger" I think I will watch that movie tonight.
ok and lastly(just before time for rounds) steph has decided to rate something every so often. I really think this is a great idea. SO
I got (in my Easter basket, cause my new friend is tha bomb)an elements energy drink. Meteor, tangelo flavored. This was a suprisingly good tasting super up drink. I could tell it had lotsa stuff in it with just a hint of the taste in the backend somewhere. but it is worth buying. I will definitely get more of these. They aren't carbonated and that's easier on my tiny little stomach. I had never had one of these before today and I have to give it
****+ that's 4.5 stars...... KYLE. Many other goodies in my awesome basket. But this is the one that will help me get up and smile my way through some breathing treatments.

ok so I must close for now. I had a long weekend with a great ending so far. I hope things stay cool. There is too much unnecessary confrontation and deceitfulness in this world. I just want to keep up my end and rely on others to do the same. Guess that makes me sound naive. I guess I can live with that. :) once again"i love spell check, and lamp"

Hummmmm

2005-03-26T11:20:00.000-08:00

I don't have anything to say today. sortof in a funny mood, not unhappy or conflicted or any of "those" kinds of things. More like I have "the party's over syndrome" feel like I should be somewhere else doing something that would be rewarding. Like I need to be taking care of some responsibility that I have forgotten about. That is the way this feels. Hummmmmmm. I need some solid ground to stand on I think. i will say this , i love spell check, just like lamp:)

so if something has "caracter" does that make it cooler?

2005-03-25T16:32:00.000-08:00

my poor cell phone, has been smacked around. if it was a star wars toy it would be called "battle scared" thinkin of getting a new housing for it. hummmm. dont know why i thought this would make a good blog, must be stupid er sumpin.

Ginger Beck is the COOLIEST!!!!!!!!!

2005-03-25T14:10:00.000-08:00

eeerbody check out my new style !!! ha haaaaa!!!
*spoken over the intro to we want the funk* this site just went from ...ummm. ahhhh. a site, to PLUGED IN AND PERKA LA'EN HA HAAA, UH YEEEEEAH!!!!!!! WE, WANT THE FUNK,......GOTTA HAVE THAT FUNK!!!

WHAT A BUNCH OF SH*#

2005-03-22T11:26:00.000-08:00

If you decide that it is inappropriate to display Easter decorations on the entry door of your office then you are full of sh*#. We aren't talking about some kind of psyced out voodoo performance art or pics of bloody or mutilated bodies , these are pastel blue ,pink, and yellow eggs and bunnies and so on. What a bunch of ignorant jack offs.

this is just Jim Dandy

2005-03-21T00:21:00.000-08:00

I have been introduced to a new group by a most wondreful new friend. The Dandy Worhols. im lovin em. (and im totally diggin on my new friend too) anyway i gotta get my boy to bed and its really late. i dont think he would ever sleep if he wasent made to.

Honestly

2005-03-20T13:00:00.000-08:00

Honestly, I have been in on some silly sh*# in my time. And I have had the wrong idea(man have I ever) but DAMN. If your a doctor and you order an ekg for a pt with a headache, I think I should be able to give the Dr. a headache, just for being a dork.

Is it Spring yet?

2005-03-19T00:26:00.000-08:00

man, over these last couple of weeks there has certainly been a change in the weather. I don't like the cold anymore. I use to love it!!! I do still sweat on occasion but not just because im standing up or walking down the hall. this is still new to me. I do have to say that I can put on enough clothes to get warm but, taking off enough to get cool could cause ppl to be sick and or have seizures. LOL I need to get some sun on these legs. If I don't get some soon summer will be here and me on the beach or by the pool will be cool because it will be mentioned by the space shuttle as the go across. * Houston we have a rather large beacon flashing in the area of south east Arkansas. Is the an official transmission ? Over......... beep* oh well. My kids are gone with their mom camping. I am in McGehee .....again. I do have some good friends to talk to, when they have time ( what with everyone else having a life and all that). Well cheers to all who had a drink on St P's day! I had one, alone. but it worked. Mostly for symbolic purposes.
so....Don't sweat the small stuff, right?
I like spell check. but I love lamp!

What a Burger

2005-03-14T13:24:00.000-08:00

seemed like a good title concidering the last two. i think that i must be some kind of dork. i would love to have some answers to the riddles life has thrown us all. i just keep on thinking that one day i will get things worked out. well one of these days....maybe i will thatn i wont need to post with such fague strokes.

what a change

2005-03-12T23:39:00.000-08:00

i am just about a breath away from being happy. if things were just an inch diffrent. . . . . oh well, maybe they will change .....for the better!!!!! i hope so. i fee right now like i could really be happy with just a bit more than ive got. hummmmm do we all feel this way from time to time? is this just this stage of the game? if a train leaves new york going 35 miles an hour...... lol. i am waiting

what a good thing

2005-03-10T03:34:00.000-08:00

i have had the chance to meet someone who i really like. funny, smart, artistic, beautiful and loves music. where was this person my whole life. the cooliest thing is, i think she kinda likes me too. i hope so! could it be that i get to have someone like this as my friend? could she be my best friend? i hope to always know her!!! with any luck i will get to know her more and better every day! thanks to my friends steph and ginger, without them i wouldnt hav eever met her at all. oh....yeah..... thanks to chuck for reassurign me that i could do this.
thanks to everyone

2005-03-07T22:58:00.000-08:00

back here in mayberry

2005-03-07T15:23:00.000-08:00

man im glad to be back on home turf, i guess. glad to be able to sleep in my own bed. that hospital bed in mcgehee was killing me. and on a more sour note its tax time and ar state is first up to bat. yikes its a line drive right up my ........ohhhhhh thats gonna hurt chet. lets see if he's gonna walk off the field..lol

you didn't want to know this

2005-03-06T01:04:00.000-08:00

i aaaaaam smellin like a rose that somebody gave me on my birthday death beeed!!!!!!! man i have been in an stp mood latley. humm, . i realise this makes me kind of a freak but i have this internal soundtrack that mlays all the time. i might be having a conversation with someone and it is still going. there are, of course, time that it stops. i always notice it though. this hasent been much of a problem for me in life, i have developed a split stream consciousness. (thanks dictonary.com) that sounds really complicated, but its not. its like how your eyes see two diffrent images but your brain puts them together as one. its not exactly something we do ourselves. hasent this been a nice lesson on a very small bit of useless info on marcus?

Nose to the Grindstone

2005-03-05T12:57:00.000-08:00

i guess its back to the ole salt mines, back to the ole stone quarry, abck to the freakin' hospital. i dont hate my job , but i do hate to go alllllllllllll th eway over to mcgehee and stay in the hospital all weekend long. and i hear that the walmart is going to close here "they" are opening a supercenter in dumas. im not too familiar with this part of arkansas. the locals tell me that its going to be about 15 mins from here. humm and duty calles right now.

Sir Blogsalot

2005-03-02T08:52:00.000-08:00

i will now blog to keep myself off of ebay. BBBBLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGG ah. sorry had to get that out. man i have to slow down. i hate to let a good deal go by me. even when i have enough. its a sickness.....i need ebayers anonymous or something. maybe i should look for a karaoke machine. ah ha im off..........................

Howza Bout That

2005-03-01T23:08:00.000-08:00

i have to say that i just had two, count them two [thundering...lightening crashes......] good days off. humm..
i wont complain. is this where i get spooked and think i am in for 7 bad days @ work? do i need to go get bullshit insurence for mcgehee this weekend ? does jessicias baby really belong to alen the park ranger or is the father bill the proffesser of law @ the greater mcgehee metro jr college.anyway, i have two dew favorite pics of caden that i have to put up onthe blog and some of tess and keegan. as for our sangin' maybe we can find our own karaoke stuff. i have the stereo for it and im sure we can find a mic somewhere.

2005-03-01T21:19:00.000-08:00

tess' blog pic....for now...lol

2005-03-01T21:15:00.000-08:00

oh yeah ...i told him i was gonna post this one. he said go ahead!!!! lol

2005-03-01T21:11:00.000-08:00

he said cheese burger!!! this is my most special friend!!!

2005-03-01T21:10:00.000-08:00

What do you think he's thinking about?

2005-02-28T21:56:00.000-08:00

nite nite time for Caden

Oh the Times They Are a Changin'

2005-02-28T12:07:00.000-08:00

i have to say that for a change i had a really good day!!! i didnt really do anything and i didnt feel that the day was wasted either. hope to do the same tomarrow or today, dont know if its officially tuesday yet. i had the kids tonight, and that all went well. took this pic of cadie just before he went down for the count. couldnt even finnish his cool aid jammer.( i like the capri suns better) i dont have much to report today. i hope steph feels better. she didnt sound too chipper on her blog. again, when we can we should all try to get together. i will be taking some vacation time in july. maybe i can get an extra day between then and now and be off like everyone else on the weekend. maybe then we can do it here. i hope so, its about time for a good singin' lol.

2005-02-26T18:32:00.000-08:00

poor spidey didnt have a chance

Have You Seen This?

2005-02-25T16:17:00.000-08:00

What's Your Element?
My Element Is Water
A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted and serious.That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep.Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily.You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others.You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves.You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.

Trying to make it till 7PM

2005-02-25T15:58:00.000-08:00

i have a confession, i have been in a bad mood all day. i dont want to be , i even hate to be around myself. this is the kind of thing that will i guess me my ultimate demise. there isint much about this day that is just really objectional, asind from having to work with my ex for a few. even this i can take , im a professional. i just feel "not myself". posting this is helping a bit but this is a fast acting, short duration thing. i get to have my son tonight, im sure this will make me feel better. being around him always does. on a diffrent note i hope to start in the tanning bed soon. yeah i said tanning bed, i did once before and it really was very soothing. i relaxed AND got some sun. i am of irish ancestry and am very white. this is bad cause i love to were shorts in the summer. to add insult to injury i have skinny legs too. all these things together helped me make up my mind to change the only thing i can. this is an awefully small fix cause i dont tan very well.
well, in light of a situation that i just handled, i do have the same haterd i spoke about in an earler post, id like to feel that hate isint warented for anything, but i cant seem to conger anything else up. i did , however, fix and finish the whole fu*%ing thing. and the immediate problem is a thing of the past. i would ordinarily breathe a sigh of relief after this kind of thing, but there is no end to the bullshit that i have and , im sure, will endure over the imature life of someone i use to know.

Two in the Chest and One to the Dome

2005-02-25T06:44:00.000-08:00

today is the begining of a new set of ideas for me. i have started a weekend of work (this time here in crossett) and i have learned new information that have helped me grow a healthy and more reasonable hatred and distrust of someone i know already to be untrustworthy. these feelings have been a long time in coming. i have been putting them off for a while under the guise of , oh i dont need to feel this way, and it wont really help anything. well i think that it will. this type of attitude isint my norm. i dont stay mad long usualy and when i get that way i will try to reason it out. non of that will work here, and i dont really have a problem with it.
moving right along my christian friends, i did have a drink or two last night and much to my supprise i didnt really enjoy it all that much. i felt like it was almost too much trouble. hummm this could be the start of the end of something. who knows? well im off to make another weekend dream come true.......by working all day.
ahhhhh life as a working class tax payer.

My Great Big House

2005-02-23T03:14:00.000-08:00

tonight my kids are @ thier moms. i didnt really expect to have this night to myself. i didnt make any plans. i didnt go and visit my parents, i didnt do anything. this is where i normally go into the "im so lonely i could cry" rutineBUT. i cant say this for tonight. this house does seem really damn big but, i had lots of time to sit in front of the computer and ebay out of control. i spent a good deal of time listening to all the songs that i have on my pc. i have some stinkers on here from when the kids either got them themselves or i downloaded them for them. most of my music is good. really good, one might think that i chose each of these songs according to my own personal tast. lol
anyone remember Ambrosia " your the biggest part of me" and "your the only woman", "baby come back" and who could forget "thats how much i feel". how about chris isaak "blue spanish sky" if youve never heard that ond i highly sugest it. then there is other music that i cant recomend but i cant leave out or this wouldnt be an acurate representation of marcus without STP " sour girl". winamp is on suffel and next in line are the commodores with "brickhouse" and rihght now in shakin' it down down.* dances areond in chair like a dork* but i am keeping time. all those years of playing music paid off. i can nwo dance in my chair like a dork. HEEELLLLL YEEEEAAAAHHH! wup ......roxanne, you dont have to put on the red light. this is the song that made me buy a cd player in 1986. oddly enough the first cd i ever got was the beatles - help. man how diverse now its tori amos - caught a light sneeze. during witch she makes refernce to PHM by NIN. another fav from another incarnation of my continueing saga. this could go on until forever, as i have over 2k songs on here. so i will go for now, back into the depths of my house , streched out before me like an unexplored universe dark and distant. its surely a two day hike to my kitchen and i need, neeeeed more mt dew pitch black. huh my great big house. parting thought. the man with the golden gun thinks he knows so much!

Not Just Not...

2005-02-20T23:54:00.000-08:00

i just havent been in the mood to do anything this weekend. i am here im mcgehee, doing this thing. i think i am burning out. i dont seem to have much fire for anything. the only thing i really want to do is get my kids and go home. i should say of the few things a have the ability to do . i would really like to go out on a date or have someone to umm....well....share a....a date.hee hee. tess if your reading i love you dont read that last part. lol i do have women i could "go out" with but some how that just dosent seem to be enough. i am looking for a good relationship (arent we all) no drama, no bullshit. there is always some getting to know you stuff, i know that but, i am a nice guy with plenty to offer and i want that in return. a nice girl with a stable mind and a purpose. funny, cool, like movies and music , who likes to talk and laugh, who dosent have a problem with holding up the guy( sometimes) who holds up my world. i will find her, and when i do i cant wait for us to lean or each other. partners. ahh as long as i just keep the faith right? and now turning to other news........ lotsa sick ppl latley. i have to say that with 99% of these ppl i leave it with them at the time clock. i did, however, wonder about one of my patients. very sick but getting better. i hope she does get better. i hope all of my past patients get better but i thought of this one in particular. well i have lots of paper work to finish before i go to bed. gotta get up and got to work at home tomarrow morning. one hospital or the other right. its a living.

Small Victorys

2005-02-18T23:28:00.000-08:00

i am here to say that i have been through the gauntlet AGAIN and once again.... i have come throught only slightly slimmer for the jurney. i thought for a bit that i wouldnt get to see my "other" kids BUT it didnt happen and i feel like i have won the lottery. i dont like to mention my ex much but she and i have been at odds a little latley. it better now, but it was touch and go with my older kids for a couple of hrs. it affected us all. we are now, all happy.

Ahhhh dadhood

2005-02-16T01:21:00.000-08:00

dosent matter if its my very young or my oldest i have a great time with the kids. tess and i had time to talk, really talk about the things that she needed to talk to someone about. some about family , some about friends some about herself. there was even some about me. it was a good talk and we needed to share these thoughts and this time together. i do get down sometimes and there isint much i can do about that( i guess we all do) but this is the way to get over it. spending time with ppl who love you no matter about whatever. it is honest and it dosent get tired. ahh this is a large part of of what i feel compelled to have in life,dadhood. these guys are great. keegan was in the living room, watching tv.

2005-02-15T22:55:00.000-08:00

Caden,me and Tess in her normal state, on the phone.

...just a bit longer

2005-02-14T23:36:00.000-08:00

i guess i've made it almost through this day without going crazy or loosing it and going on a killing spree or sliding "further down the spiral". in guess it will be ok. we'll see tomarrow.well maybe i will take off some soon and try to hang out or maybe get out of town. who knows just as long as i get a break in this action. that is if existing is considered doing something.

a sweeet little story about happiness and comfort

2005-02-14T09:55:00.000-08:00

i have this deep seeded volcano of hatred building up inside that is trying to burst to the top. maybe its just valintines day, maybe i am growing a real honest to god boiling, swirling, churning, thickining caldron of bitter hate and disgust for my situation. maybe for my ex. maybe for ..... maybe i just need.... need i dont need anything. i have. almost enough money to do what ever i want. almost enough time with my kids. almost enough time at work to kill a person. almost... i have been trying to look on the bright side of things and to tell the truth i just dont see it. i cant stand to feel this way i hate it. i dont have such a bad life i just dont seem to have what im after. i have the most precious thing in the world with my kids. but , here we go, man cannot live by bread alone. this attitude isint going to get me anywhere, i know this. i just dont see how to get around it. this is the state of mind that changes ppl. this feeling of betrayal, anger, OOH GREAT. snot in the keyboard. that really ups the resale value.what do u frickin' know, of all things that made me feel better. being a respiratory therapist just paied off. right in the middle of a stupid mood worsining rant, my nose gets runny and i get snot, of all things, on my keybaord. insten of sending me that half-an- inch into"open fire" i actualy feel better. i know that this is no fix for my problems, hell if a little snot were the answer to my problems i would be the most in tune, happiest and well adjusted person on the planet, its what i do for a living. sence i feel a slice better i wont look a gift hoarse in the mouth.

2005-02-13T21:42:00.000-08:00

chillin'

2005-02-13T21:41:00.000-08:00

Double Cheese Burger

2005-02-13T00:13:00.000-08:00

wow seems ive been gone for a while, its not intentional. i have been working. its been busy latley. we're paying for the nice slow start to this season. when it gets cold out ppl stay indoors. staying couped up isint the best for some. oh well, thats the end of my whining about that. my mood has been kinda somber latley. not too outwardly happy. im sort of the guy thats always ready with a joke, or a silly/witty coment about what ever at the drop of a hat. this has been my title so long i feel compeled to do it even sometimes when its not necessary, or worse when its not right to do. Hi, my name is marc and im a habitual joke teller and comment maker. HJTACM anonymous. i would like to say thanks again to a new friend Jin for making me a cool button. and thanks to Steph for putting it on my blog for me. maybe one of these days i will "get it" and be able to do this kinda stuff too. Hey my little got his pic taken yesterday!!! i will have to put it up as soon as i get it in. he got his sideburns lowered right before he got his picture taken and he is just too cute. then again i might be biased hee hee. ok i will go for now. and ill try to post as close to every day as i can for my sanity and for my friends out here in blogland.

My Little Tribe

2005-02-10T21:32:00.000-08:00

these are my little folks. im sure anyone can under stand why i just need my kids around. Raegan is only here when im in mcgehee, so i will have to get my ex to take some pics of her next visit to put on here. the ones i have are old . anyway more to come. i cant figure out the url to these pics to put my pic on my profile. if anyone knows what im talkin' 'bout, let me know.